FALSE GENEROSITY

True generosity consists precisely in fighting to destroy the causes which nourish false charity. False charity constrains the fearful and subdued, the "rejects of life", to extend their trembling hands..

True genrosity lies in striving so that these hands - whether of individuals or entire peoples - need to extend less and less in supplication, so that more and more they become human hands which work and, working, transform the world..This lesson and this apprenticeship must come, however, from the oppressedthemselves and from those who are truly solidary with them. As individuals or as peoples, by fighting for the restoration of their humanity they will beat tempting the restoration of true generosity. Who are better prepared than the oppressed to understand the terrible significance of an oppressive society? Who suffer the effects of oppression more than the oppressed? Who can better understand the necessity of liberation? They will not gain this liberation by chance but through the praxis of their quest for it, through their recognition of the necessity to fight for it. And this fight, because of the purpose given it by the oppressed, will actually constitute an act of love opposing the lovelessness which lies at the heart of the oppressors' violence, lovelessness even when clothed in false generosity...by Paulo Freire
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This what I'm sharing with you all is an exerpt from the book I'm currently reading 'Pedagogy Of The Oppressed'..I spent all my life fighting for freedom from the dysfunction of my childhood,the culture I was brought up in and it's disgustingly corrupt system.. I am truly happy to come across this book that explains everything that I was desperately trying to convey or explain to others what i mean by having a dignified life as human beings..

I desperately wanted to understand why with all my love and desire to help my family get out of desperate situation, I ended up being an "outcast".. I stood up for principles that no one taught me of.. I was the 'evil one' for working hard to make sure that I have more than what my children need and for refusing to sacrifice myself...not generously giving out to whom I thought don't deserve my hard earned money... and I'd rather create jobs for them so they can free themselves from being charity cases..

But we can't give up in sharing new mindset with them if we want a better Philippines.. There are lots of unlearning to do before they are able to embrace new mindset.. The less educated who don't have loved ones who send them dollars whenever they need, are more willing to learn new skills and they work hard and most of all they show appreciation.. They try very hard to appreciate every little help given to them...Those are the people that keep me going back making me inspired to share with them my hard earned money... not so they can look up to me but the intention is so that they can be lifted up from desperate poverty and for them realising that only them can free themselves...

'Satan' does not exist..

OF THE BASES OF CHRISTIANITY...

It is upon this plain narrative of facts, together with another case I am going to mention, that Christian methologysts, calling themselves the Christian Church, have erected their fable, which for absurdity and extravagance is not exceeded by anything that is to be found in the methology of the ancients.

The ancient mythologists tell us that the race of Giants made war against Jupiter, and that one of them threw a hundred rocks against him at one throw; that Jupiter defeated him with thunder, and confined him afterwards under Mount Etna; and that every time the Giant turns himself, Mount Etna belches fire. It is here easy to see that the circumstance of the mountain, that of it's a volcano, suggested the idea of a fable; and the fable is made to fit and wind itself up with that circumstance.

The Christian mythologysts tell that their Satan made war against the Almighty, who defeated him, and confined him afterwards, not under a mountain, but in a pit. It is here easy to see that the first fable suggested the idea of the second; for the fable of Jupiter and the Giants was told many hundred years before that of Satan.

Thus far the ancient and the Christian mythologists differ very little from each other. But the latter have contrived to carry the matter much further. They have contrived to connect the fabulous part of the story of Jesus Christ with the fable originating from Mount Etna; and in order to make the parts of the story tye together, they have taken to their traditions of the Jews; for the Christian mythology is made up partly from the ancient mythology, and partly from the Jewish traditions.

The Christian mythologysts, having confined Satan in a pit, were obliged to let him out again to bring on the sequel of the fable. He is then introduced into the garden of Eden in the shape of a snake, or a serpent, and in that shape, he enters into a familiar conversation with Eve, who is no way surprised to hear a snake talk; and the issue of this tete-a-tete is, that he persuade her to eat an apple, and the eating of that apple damns all mankind.

After giving Satan this triumph over the whole creation, one would have suppossed that the church mythologists would have been kind enough to send him back to the pit, or if they had not done this, that they would have put a mountain upon him, ( for they say that their faith can move a mountain), as the former mythologists had done, to prevent his getting again among the women, and doing more mischief. But, instead of this, they leave him at large, without even obliging him to give his parole. the secret of which is, that they could not do without him; and after being at the trouble of making him, they bribed him to stay. They promised him ALL the Jews, ALL the Turks by anticipation, nine-tenth of the world beside, and Mohamet into the bargain. After this, who can doubt the bountifulness of the Christian Mythology?

Having thus made an insurrection and a battle in heaven, in which none of the combatants could either be killed or wounded--put satan into the pit--let him out again-- given him triumph over all creation--damned all mankind by the eating of the apple, these Christian mythologists bring the two ends of their fable together. they represent this virtuous and amiable man, Jesus Christ, to be at once both God and man, and also the son of God, celestially begotten, on purpose to be sacrificed, because they say that Eve in her longing ( yeilding to an unrestrained appetite) had eaten an apple... by Thomas Paine *The Age Of Reason*
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I grew up wondering how a loving God could sentence someone to die for eating an "apple".. or the fruit of 'the tree of the knowledge of good and bad'....Why did God plant a tree like that to test the woman of her weakness ? Why didn't GOD just planted trees of knowledge of good, if GOD really want all humans to live forever? But then again, what is so wrong about knowing what is good and what is bad?....

In their desperate attempt to explain life and death, humans created myths after myths and passed them on to generations after generations... Why coudn't we just accept life and death as we observe and feel it?.. Be grateful for the experience life on physical plane and feel grateful for all the abundance that Mother Nature provides... share with others equal portions of Natures resources just like what is observed in Nature...

Gaining more knowledge , thanks for knowing the good and the bad, I know now as i have always felt that "Satan", dont exist... unlike God/Creator , a spirit revealed through Nature and through the whole creation...They call Satan the "father of the lie", and that, i believe....A lie don't exist because a lie is made up...and that is the truth....knowing the truth sets us free..*HV*

animals versus humans

** ANIMALS KNOW , UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT THE LAW of NATURE....THEY ARE SO IN TUNED WITH MOTHER NATURE...THEY UNDERSTAND HARMONY AND HOW NOT TO UPSET THE HARMONY OF NATURE.....THEY HAVE DEEP RESPECT FOR THE LAW OF NATURE AND THE EXISTENCE OF OTHERS AROUND THEM....THAT'S WHY THEY MARK ONLY THEIR OWN TERRITORIES.....AND THEY SAVOUR AND APPRECIATE EVERY MINUTE OF THEIR EXISTENCE....

**HUMANS, BECAUSE OF THEIR IGNORANCE, GREEDINESS, THICK HEADEDNESS, STUPIDITY, ENVY, JEALOUSY, LACK OF SATISFACTION, INSECURITY, EXISTING WITHOUT THE TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF NATURE'S GOD IN THEM, SOME HAVE BECOME MEANINGLESS EXISTENCE COMPARED TO ALL ANIMALS.....THEY MARK THEIR TERRITORIES AND MARK OTHER PEOPLE'S TERRITORIES...SOME ARE EVEN MORE STUPID THAT THEY GO FORTH MARKING THE TERRITORIES OF OTHERS' BUT FORGOT TO MARK THEIR OWN......THEY CREATED SO MUCH DISHARMONY WITH NATURE AND LOST RESPECT FOR THE DIGNITY OF ALL CREATIONS....THEY HAVE NO WAY OUT...BECAUSE WHAT'S DONE CAN NEVER BE UNDONE**

IN THE END, ANIMALS WILL SURVIVE....BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE MEANT TO BE... 'SURVIVORS'....THEY ARE CREATED TO SURVIVE....HUMANS ARE MEANT TO LIVE IN WONDERMENT OR IN AWE OF THEMSELVES & OF BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS AROUND THEM....THEY ARE MEANT TO ENJOY THE GIFT OF LIVING IN PEACE WITH SELVES & ALL GOD'S CREATIONS ....BUT THEY CHOSE TO 'SURVIVE'.....AND THEY WON'T.... BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT ANIMALS.....EVEN THOUGH THEY ACT LIKE ANIMALS WHO ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING OR COMPETING FOR SURVIVAL....

**WHEN WILL HUMANS LEARN TO LIVE IN HARMONY WITH ONE ANOTHER AND WITH NATURE THAT PROVIDES AND COMFORTS THEM?...I WONDER!!..*hv*

EQUALITY does not exist :(

It will take me for as long as I was in denial , to accept that equality does not exist...I hate the awful feeling of finally accepting this truth....But I am comforted that the many years I spent denying the awful truth, it is this personal belief of equality of humans that gave me strength to lift myself up from desperate poverty and dysfunctional upbringing...to finally come to where I am now where I can honestly feel and experience the true meaning of human dignity....

I am in deep sadness as I write these thoughts, because it is as if equality just died in front of me...This thought of equality was my constant companion since I was a little girl...This thought is the inner voice that drove me to work really hard to succeed if indeed I have succeeded in my own definition of success...This thought of equality guided me to right all my wrongs....It guided me to break free from addictive dysfunctional relationships with my family and culture....Letting go of this belief means killing a huge part of me....

I know how nonsense it sounds to mourn the loss of something that was never there in the first place ....But i am allowing myself to mourn and feel the pain of letting go of this mindset........*hv*...

********************
For a couple of days now, since I wrote this entry, I feel better that I finally stopped mentally fighting with the awful truth that equality does not exist.....Humans, (including me) really only want to feel equal with those whom they percieved to be above them......I wanted to be in a place where I can feel comfortable, with a home I call my own where I can have all the privacy...a home where I don't feel hungry, insecure and fearful, I wanted abundance..........

Most people I know, corrupt themselves just to reach equality with those above them....They walk all over anyone who are willing to be walked all over on and themselves be corrupted, in the hope of finding their own meaning of equality.....

I may sound high mighty and others may hate me for I can honestly say that I am not one of those who corrupted self to find my own meaning of equality....It is all with hardwork and my love and hunger for learning and desire for emotional, financial and spiritual freedom that I have come to arrive in a place/position where I have become accepted by those whom I thought were above me.....

But their acceptance of me although I appreciate, really don't have much meaning to me.......because my own meaning of equality is far more sacred than theirs'....I have no desire to look down on those who placed themselves down below me...nor do I desire to look up to those who consider themselve above me....My only wish is that, those "below" ( where I came from) , may discover in their hearts the kind of EQUALITY like mine which I have fought so hard for, for most part of my life......and that they fight for their own right to reach it.........What will give them happiness, peace and satisfaction is not that they reached up above....but how they got themselves there......*hv*

*I am having a difficult time accepting this reality, but I know i will get there to accept the truth eventually*

The Rights of Every Child

1. TO BE BORN WITH A NAME AND NATIONALITY.

2. TO BE FREE

3. TO HAVE A FAMILY WHO CARES FOR ME.

4. TO HAVE ENOUGH EDUCATION IN ORDER TO ENHANCE MY ABILITY.

5. TO HAVE ENOUGH FOOD TO NOURISH MY BODY.

6. TO BE GIVEN A CHANCE TO ENJOY PLAYTIME .

7. TO BE PROTECTED FROM ANY HARMS, DANGERS & ALL SORTS OF ABUSES.

8. TO LIVE IN THE COMFORT OF ORDERLY AND PEACEFUL HOME.

9. TO BE PROTECTED AND BE HELPED BY THE GOVERNMENT.

10. TO HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND OPINION. *
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I read that list of "RIGHTS of EVERY FILIPINO CHILD" , and I thought, as a child I got one out of 10....

1. Yes, I was born and was given name and nationality.....

2. No freedom...

3. Yes, I had a family but couldn't care much under the circumstances...

4. Did not have a chance for a higher education I so deserved...

5. Hunger was my constant companion...

6. What playtime?..

7. Although I feel fortunate not to have experienced abuse like some unfortunate children have experienced, I definitely lived in constant fear...

8. No 'home' when I was a child..

9. No help from government..

10. I was seen but not heard....

And what I observed in the last five years going back and forth, the situation is the same (if not worse) as when I was a child more than 4 decades ago....except for the modern technology and the obvious influence of western lifestyle that in my opinion is slowly but surely ruining the environment....( but that's another topic )...

I wonder what the government and the church are doing to make sure that those rights of children are implemented?..... Is setting up charity organizations really the answer? ..... How do we protect children from emotional and physical abuse...How do we protect our children from sexual predators whom some are the very adults who are responsible for taking of care of the children? ...not to mention clergy men.....

These 'RIGHTS' are not for the Filipino children only but for all the CHILDREN of the WORLD....So why do so called intelligent adults pay respect to some political and religious figures who allow abuse and terrorism against children?.....

We are humans pro-creating innocent little humans. But, what does really being "human" mean?.....How does one attain human dignity ?... I have so many questions that make me constantly think of many possible answers... But opinions of adults lacking higher education in the system like myself does not count how much more that of the children's?..

If you are a parent, can you honestly say that... " yes, my children were given all those rights...all 10 of them on the list"?....I can..and proud that I made sure my children enjoyed all of the 10 "RIGHTS" listed above....no!..it wasn't the easiest... I found how enormous a mothers resposibilities to protect the children...and I fought with my life to protect them and their rights as human beings... I hope they will be blessed with wives who will work with them in protecting their children with their own lives...

CONGRATULATIONS to you if your children enjoyed or enjoying theirs...
And we can only hope that we the adults be given pure wisdom on how to care not only for our children but also for our neighbours' children....*hv*

***********************

** We must treat our children and our neighbors' children as the beautiful extensions of our lives....If this is our belief system, their future will look brighter and brighter...If our priorities are the children, we will do our utmost to make sure that we leave this planet earth so much better than when we arrived in it....A beautiful home earth is the best inheritance that we can pass on to them **hv**

I am a proud parent ;)

my boys ;) ..

One Very Fine Weekend

This is about my horrible experience with a rude Pakistani man. This is my first encounter with anyone from that country. Although some other Nationalities told me how truly rude and awful the Pakistanis are, after I told them of this experience, I don't believe that they are represented by one horrid man like this one I encountered. Discrimination does not discriminate. Good and evil are found in all cultures and nationalities. I will never forget this experience of racism and discrimination from this man. Having said that, I must add that the worst kind of discrimination I have ever experienced were from my Serbian ex-husband and from my fellow Filipinos....and mostly from my own family and relations....Anyway, I share this with others because there is a valuable lesson in this experience...

********************************************

I wished for a sunny weekend so I could spend time out in the garden. Last Saturday, was fantastic! Not too cold, not windy and the sun was shining. While having our breakfast, the phone rang. I thought it must be from one of the boys or Greg's parents. Greg answered it , handed it to me .

" It's for you , a lady named Cecilia ", he handed me the phone.

I remember attending to someone with that name a while ago. But I was not prepared to make any appointments with clients as i have set my mind to do some gardening that weekend...

" Hazel it's Cecilia, remember me?...you did some alterations on my wedding dress, but it was a few years ago, I don't know if you remember?", she said.

" Oh, of course I remember you, didn't I make your little girl's first communion dress two years ago? Cecilia, how are you and the family?..and what can I do for you this morning?"..

" I wonder if I could drop off my husband's two pairs of trousers to be hemmed up...could you do them for me?"

"Cecilia I'm not working today, I'm gardening this weekend..but of course I can do them for you, when do you need them?"

"we're hoping that you could do it by Monday, can we come over and drop them off this morning?"

"Okay then, you may come around 10 o'clock....I suppose I could work on them on Monday morning and you pick them up at night...but please make sure your husband wears the pair of shoes he's wearing with the trousers and not snickers"...

She thanked me after we talked. I remember the last time she came when I made her daughter's first communion dress, she told me how hard it is being married to someone with different religion. He is a Muslim from Pakistan and she is a Catholic. Cecilia is from Italian background and was divorced from her Australian husband but they remained friends and even with her in laws, she remained close.

Five years ago, her daughter was about two years old when she came to me to get her wedding dress fixed. It was a rush wedding to be held at the civil registrar's office. She met this man whose visa to stay in Australia was running out. Her family sort of disowned her for rushing into this second marriage. I remember having a good cry with her at some point. But she must follow her heart. She had her second daughter when she came to ask me to make her older daughter's communion dress. The second child was almost four , has a dark complexion, with thick black wavy hair and very attractive. As beautiful as her older sister who has fair complexion, with thick blonde wavy hair. It's really quite amazing seeing the three of them together. Both girls have her beautiful smile, her eyes and the shape of her face...

"You are so blessed, having these two beautiful girls", I told her...

"Yeah, I am very happy that I have them, it's just that people keep making comparison between the two....the younger one is starting to feel conscious of her dark skin and started saying that she wish she had white skin like her sister...and now, we are raising her be a Muslim and the sister remains a Catholic...I am torn....it's really hard", she was obviously hurting..

I told her that it is not what others say outside her home that are important, but it is what's happening inside her home that she must concentrate on..

Anyway, while doing my gardening, I can't help but think of them and how they are coping with all the issues. They arrived on time, I asked to be excused for not dressed neatly as I was doing my gardening. I was introduced to the husband. The girls are so grown now and looking even more beautiful. The husband is a tall and well dressed man and really quite handsome and impressive in appearance. But, Cecilia looked unsure of herself, not the same person I met the first time. Well, that's the impression I got anyway.

I invited them in and asked the husband to put on the trousers that needed to be hemmed.

I went on my knees to put his hem up and talking at the same time with the girls asking them about school and if they made many friends at school, where they go to on school excursions and so on. I quite enjoyed the girls company. They were very spontaneous. We talked a lot about anything in just a few minutes..

While he was in the little fitting room changing, I showed the girls the jewelries I made. They asked all sorts of questions which I gladly answered...

"I want to be a designer like you when I grow up ", the little one said...."I want to work here with you"......

"That would be great sweetie!", I told her..."but I hope I'd still be alive when you grow up", I said laughing..When he finished changing, he handed me the trousers and asked how much would it cost him..I told him it's $18 per pants so $36 in all...

"You are joking!", he said with a laugh..."that is too much!...now come on, how much is it really?"........

"I am not joking, I usually charge $20 but because you have two pairs, I took away $2.....and that is it really", I told him......

"I will give $30 and that is final, because the lady that does it for me only charge $10....so I'll give you $30, okay? that's it! ".....

"Why did you come to me when you know someone who can do it for you for almost nothing?....please go to her...or take them somewhere else....I can't believe you devalue me, but I am not even gonna be offended by the way how you decide the value of my work...I understand because where you and I came from, and other poor countries like the Philippines and Pakistan",........

" NO!..Pakistan is not poor!!...we have Filipinos working for us as maids, labourers and all the hard work".

"I beg your pardon, so you made up your mind, that because I am a Filipino, I only worth less, and you decide how much to pay me...and that I must accept a slave labour pay....I want you to know that what you said is very offensive, but I choose not to be offended.....you have cut me off before I even finish what I was going to say.....I was saying that Pakistanis like the Filipinos and other countries poorer than Australia, convert the dollars into their own currency, so in their minds, it sounds so expensive....and how dare you looking down on me devalue the service I offer.... for me being a Filipino just because in your country, your maids and labourers are Filipinos...but even that, I choose not to be offended, I made time for you this morning, not because I am desperate to earn $36 hemming up your pants, but because I value everyone and this is a favor I am giving you", this time, I was starting to get really annoyed but tried to keep my temper under control.....

"NO, NO!!, it is a favor to you, so you can earn money, just take $30 because I will bring more work for you",.....

"Please, you must understand, that I don't need your money, I don't need to work today, I was going to spend time in my garden the whole weekend...I don't need to accept small jobs, I specialize in formals and bridals, I am doing this as a favor to your wife.....and I don't mind if you don't bring me any work....please go to the plaza where there is alterations...you choose what you wanna do"....

" Okay, charge me what you want,...when can I pick them up?.... I need it for job interview on Monday at 2 o'clock", he sounded very demanding....

At this point, I no longer feel good about the whole thing and wished I hadn't met this man. I glanced at Cecilia who was smiling nervously and I looked at the girls who all the while are trying to get my attention asking if I have more jewelries to show them....and the eldest one is asking me if I can make her confirmation dress next year and that she wants a pair of gloves and a bag to go with it. I just looked at them and nod...and glad that they seemed to not understood what went on between me and their father. I turned to him and said that "I hope you try to learn that when we come into a new country, new culture, that we must learn and appreciate the things that are different from the culture we grew up in and what made us decide to come and live here and that it is important to conform to the values that made this country what it is....with equal opportunity for everyone....our mindset need to change",

He looked around my little studio quitely..
"Well, as you can see, I am proper and legitimate business with registered business name and trade mark, I pay tax on every dollar I earn and everything is by the book....this is not just one of those backyard cash in hand business..how I stood up for myself is not about the money but the principle...and no matter how big or small amount I get from a job, I always put my heart into it and even if it's only alterations, my work is of high quality".....

" I can see that..it's good....can I have a business card?....but as for the quality of your work, we shall see when I pick them up on Monday....

I held my tongue, but I thought to myself, how sad that he can't see how low his attitude makes of him....can't help insulting me by the last comment he made. But I don't want this man to ever forget me and for him to learn from this experience. I handed him a business card, and shook his hand, said goodbye to the girls and to Cecilia who took my hand and just smiled nervously. I went to find Greg in the work shed and told him about my conversation with this man...

"I would not have accepted the job if I were you. You should have told him to take it somewhere else...the trouble with you is that you are too soft"...

"No darling, I believe that whenever there is any opportunity to show others how to treat everyone equal, we must grab the opportunity.....there is deeper reason why they came instead of going somewhere else even tho I told them to go somewhere else.....at least now, his perception of Filipinos will change I hope, but if it doesn't, it's not my problem.....I will fix these pants and ring them up to pick up tomorrow instead of Monday"...

So I called and left a message on their answering service...Sunday morning, the man called around ten o'clock asking if he can pick up the pants "right now!"

"No, please come between 2 and 3 this afternoon"... I could hear how annoyed he was...maybe for not getting his own way....but after a few sighs and heavy breathing from him, because of being obviously annoyed... but finally agreed... he arrived at 2:30, I was out there vacuum cleaning the car and getting ready to do some grocery shopping with Greg. I let him in and hand them the pants.. He was pleased and handed me a credit card...

"I''m sorry but I only take cash or bank cheque, no bankcard, no credit card and no personal cheque...this is a very small business for me to facilitate eftpos or credit card payment"...

"Oh no!, I don't have cash!, I should have asked you first before I came....can I take them home and ask Cecilia to drop the money off to you?"...

"No, there is an ATM across the road. It'll take you only 2 minutes, you can get some cash and come back before we go",

"Can I leave you one of my credit cards instead?"...there's $20,000 credit limit on this one".....

"NO! ", I said making sure he knows that I am getting very annoyed.

"Okay! okay, I'll be back in a few minutes ", he picked up the pants and was heading to the door....

"Please, you leave those trousers here ", I told him...and the look on his face was indescribable.....

Greg came out to my studio and told me he heard everything. So he sat there and waited for me to finish with this man. I went back outside and continue my vacuum cleaning the car. After a few minutes, he came back with forty dollars..... " how did you go?" I asked as we walked back inside my studio and Greg was sitting there....

" NOT GOOD!"...he said angrily....." there is no trust here, the customer service is poor, I came here because you were referred to me, but i am being treated like this"... then he mumbled something.....

Greg got up and said to him ,"What did you just say?", Greg was angry..

"You heard me!", he turned to Greg angrily

"Can you repeat what you said ", Greg trying to keep calm ...

"Respect yourself!...I am talking to her!".....he yelled at Greg while pointing his finger at me.....
At this time, feeling like a dummy for not hearing what this man called me, I turned to Greg and asked " what did he say?"

'He's just insulted you putting you down...but don't worry about it!!!", Greg was pointing the door to the man to get out..

"I have never dealt with someone so openly disrespectful like you ", I told him....

"This is a public property and you can't treat me like that...your service is not good!!!...", he was gonna keep arguing ......

"Excuse me!...this is a private property!...THAT's IT!....GET OUT!!", Greg stood up pointing him towards the door......

So he went and we went in our car to go shopping. We were not our usual happy selves. I am glad Greg was here when that very rude Pakistani man picked up his pants. I asked him again what the man said to make him very angry, he turned red in the face and told me " DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!..FORGET IT!!".... I did not insist although I really wanted to know.. I've never seen Greg so angry like that. But I respect him even more for not repeating what the man said, whatever it is....

So much for my beautiful weekend.. My stomach was hurting all night I felt wanting to throw up.......analyzing what happened and whether I handled things right. I kept going over and over it in my mind. This morning, I decided to write it down to get it out of my mind.....and finally feeling at peace that I know I did the right thing in not letting him get away with his discriminating attitude. I realized that he's angry not only because he did not get his way, but because a Filipino whom he perceived lower than the Pakistani stood up against him.. Not only that, he can't accept the fact that aside from me being a Filipino, I AM A WOMAN ALSO also. I am very aware that even in these days and age, in some cultures and even in some parts of the Philippines, some, still live as though they are in the dark ages. Men still see women as subordinate, second class and should be under the power of men...and always be in subjection to men...... WELL, NOT THIS WOMAN!...

In the middle of writing this entry, my phone rang. It was Cecilia to apologise. She told me that they are no longer married . They divorced a year ago. She can no longer take the abuse and the arguments about religion.. She's very sorry that she brought him over and she hoped that she and the girls are still welcome to come and see me if they need something made. She told me how embarrassed she was last Saturday and the girls were very upset when they left because they understood everything. She told me how embarrassed she was when he told him what happened when he picked up his pants. I assured her that I remain the same to her and her girls. I thanked her for letting me know.....

$36 wasn't worth the upset this brought to a few of us this weekend. But one thing for sure, every time he puts on those trousers , he'll remember the weekend he showed how cheap and how small he values himself. I am glad that it did not cost me hundreds of dollars to stand up to this man who I hope will change his way of thinking about the Filipinos who work in his country and not only for this man and the ones like him to learn how to treat others their equal as human beings.. It doesn't matter what nationality they are...
"WHEN WE PRAY FOR PATIENCE, GOD DOES NOT MAKE US FEEL PATIENT, HE GIVES US OPPORTUNITIES TO EXERCISE PATIENCE"
I definitely got it this weekend. The opportunity to exercise patience and hopefully, I was able to show that man how to treat others that are different from him, his equal, other wise he will suffer for it. "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU"..

As for Cecilia ( not her real name), I hope she'll be strong enough for her girls....

**I AM NOT DEFINED BY THE COUNTRY WHERE I CAME FROM * I AM NOT BOUND BY THE CULTURE AND THE COLOR OF MY SKIN NOR BY THE DYSFUNCTIONS OF MY UPBRINGING * I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS, CONNECTING WITH THE WHOLENESS OF HUMANITY AND HUMAN SPIRIT * JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, I AM A UNIQUE HUMAN BEING WITH MY OWN VERY UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL LIFE'S MEANING ;) **hv**

I WRITE to Myself ;)

Dear Hazel,

After what happened yesterday, I must give you a lot of credit for keeping calm. I know that after all the years of putting up with people's crap and sort of getting used to unbelievable discrimination, it still hurts. But, as usual, you kept your promise to let peace begin with you..... Still not easy, I know you wanted to shout profanity and bombard the whole world and it's people with their own crap but you chose to seek the calmness from your heart.....

Remember, you used to cry every time people try to be little you?..Well, isn't that amazing that you even had a peaceful sleep last night after the abuse and harassment you received from that woman's husband. I also thank you for choosing dignity by not allowing yourself be dragged down by angry people. It's good that you did not throw anger back ;) .....

You knew from the very first day you met these people, you strongly felt that they already have a pre-conceived notion of who you are because of the color of your skin. Your gut feeling was so strong, telling you not to deal with these people. But knowing you, you gave them the benefit of the doubt.....because even though you know that your gut feelings are always right, you try to ignore negative energy other people bring and you always tend to absorb the negative and bring it back out as positive. It's like breathing in carbon dioxide and breathing out oxygen. It takes a lot of practise to do that and fortunately, you had a lot of practise - 40 something years - imagine that! You were very honest that the design they chose won't look good on her, but would look gorgeous on a tall, slim young woman ( and would not suit a short middle age overweight woman, you thought to yourself )..You wondered why the sister in law who looked more like a brother in-law ( if you know what i mean ) was the one doing all the talking and was telling you what to do. Irritating as it was, you kept cool because you have encountered these sorts of people before. After a few experiences like these, you now know what to do, yet you still ignored your gut feeling and treat them politely and gently used the "right words" to let her know the truth that she doesn't exactly look like that tall skinny model in picture she brought......

Some women, fantasize about looking like a supper model instead of of enhancing the parts of them that are assets to them. They have no idea how difficult it is to create a design that would look good on individuals especially when they reach certain age.

Back to that woman who is controlled by her sister in-law who looks more like a brother in-law ( if you know what i mean ).....she had this lady under her thumb. It is very obvious that there is some kind of competition between them. This sister in law who looks more like a brother in-law ( if you know what i mean )...came with her for fitting and you felt that she was looking for faults. She agreed that the dress looked lovely and they were happy when they left. But you received a call from her half an hour after and saying that she doesn't like the dress anymore. You could hear the sister in-law who looks more like a brother in-law ( if you know what i mean) in the background saying to her that she looked like an old grandma in that dress. It annoyed you a bit and told the lady that if she wants to alter it then she can go and get some more materials and don't blame you if it still makes her look the way she is. She told you that she'll call again and hang up. If I were you, I would have told her that " I am a dressmaker, not a miracle worker....i can't miraculously make a skinny woman out of a fat one overnight".

Glad it wasn't me who answered the phone. Her husband called to tell you that you have been given a job and you didn't do a good job and you don't know what you are doing......and that he already called the Current Affairs program to investigate on you....

" I HOPE YOU HAVE A LICENCE TO WORK IN THIS COUNTRY OR YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY WHERE YOU COME FROM!!"......."I WILL PICK UP THE DRESS TOMORROW....I DON'T WANT YOU TO FINISH IT" he was very angry.......

You were furious inside ( that was me) but calmly told him that they should pay the time you worked on the dress before you hand it over to them, but he said " NO, WAIT FOR THE CURRENT AFFAIRS TO SHOW UP ON YOUR DOOR " then he hang up......

You laughed but I boiled up inside of you. These Greek people reminded me of what the Italians did to you a few years ago. Remember that short fat Italian lady who agreed with your design for her dress to wear to her son's wedding? After you finished working on the dress, she tried so hard to find faults. She was not happy with the sleeves because one is shorter than the other, but when you measured the sleeves, they were perfect. Then you measured her arms, the left is an inch shorter than the right. Remember the look on her face?. All those fifty years living on this beautiful planet earth, she just found out that she was not proportion :( and she tried to blame it on you. You and I realised that it was only a tactic they use to get your service for nothing. Those people be friended you so they can take advantage of you. They tried to teach you how to be shifty and how to avoid paying tax. They told you not to record everything you earn. But good on you, you stick to your principles and they knew that, so in the end, they distant themselves ;) ......

This experience also reminded me of that fellow Filipina who be friended you. Who asked you to make a couple of dresses but did not want to pay. You were forced to send her warnings which she ignored. Your third warning was that if you don't receive payment within a month period, you will take her to court. Then she paid. what a shame that some people need to be "threatened" to do the right thing for a small amount of money. But it is not the money but the principle.This also reminded you of that Australian lady whom you made the wedding dress for, and when it was finished, and she was happy because she looked gorgeous in it, she decided that what you were asking for was too much....

"IT SHOULD ONLY BE HALF OF THAT AMOUNT BECAUSE OVER IN ASIA, LABOR IS VERY CHEAP", she told you.. You were shocked to hear her say that and you were torn up inside and told her that "WE ARE NOT IN ASIA".....With a lot of belittling and trying so hard to find faults in the dress to make you see that you don't deserve an Australian pay because you are Asian, You my dearest ME stood up for yourself.....and she paid....

And of course, who can ever forget that Pakistani guy who was the most rude of all.....Sigh!,,such is life and all the crap that goes with it!....But, yet still life is beautiful isn't it?..So go now and look pretty.. Put your make on, don't forget your eyebrows. You never know what time the crew of the Current Affairs show would knock to investigate on you.....Well, we know that you look gorgeous even without make up on according to your adoring husband, but it's still good to draw that eyebrow as high as you can. Magtaas ka na lang ng kilay, like you always do ;) .......

with love..

your other side,

vee

*Writing letters to self is very therapeutic. I started writing to myself when I was about ten years old. As I grew older, the letter writing became seldom and I stopped altogether when the boys were born. Raising children , occupies most of a mother's life. But now that they are no longer minor children, I start writing to myself again ;)... It's the only way anyone can get in touch with the authentic self.