One Very Fine Weekend

This is about my horrible experience with a rude Pakistani man. This is my first encounter with anyone from that country. Although some other Nationalities told me how truly rude and awful the Pakistanis are, after I told them of this experience, I don't believe that they are represented by one horrid man like this one I encountered. Discrimination does not discriminate. Good and evil are found in all cultures and nationalities. I will never forget this experience of racism and discrimination from this man. Having said that, I must add that the worst kind of discrimination I have ever experienced were from my Serbian ex-husband and from my fellow Filipinos....and mostly from my own family and relations....Anyway, I share this with others because there is a valuable lesson in this experience...

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I wished for a sunny weekend so I could spend time out in the garden. Last Saturday, was fantastic! Not too cold, not windy and the sun was shining. While having our breakfast, the phone rang. I thought it must be from one of the boys or Greg's parents. Greg answered it , handed it to me .

" It's for you , a lady named Cecilia ", he handed me the phone.

I remember attending to someone with that name a while ago. But I was not prepared to make any appointments with clients as i have set my mind to do some gardening that weekend...

" Hazel it's Cecilia, remember me?...you did some alterations on my wedding dress, but it was a few years ago, I don't know if you remember?", she said.

" Oh, of course I remember you, didn't I make your little girl's first communion dress two years ago? Cecilia, how are you and the family?..and what can I do for you this morning?"..

" I wonder if I could drop off my husband's two pairs of trousers to be hemmed up...could you do them for me?"

"Cecilia I'm not working today, I'm gardening this weekend..but of course I can do them for you, when do you need them?"

"we're hoping that you could do it by Monday, can we come over and drop them off this morning?"

"Okay then, you may come around 10 o'clock....I suppose I could work on them on Monday morning and you pick them up at night...but please make sure your husband wears the pair of shoes he's wearing with the trousers and not snickers"...

She thanked me after we talked. I remember the last time she came when I made her daughter's first communion dress, she told me how hard it is being married to someone with different religion. He is a Muslim from Pakistan and she is a Catholic. Cecilia is from Italian background and was divorced from her Australian husband but they remained friends and even with her in laws, she remained close.

Five years ago, her daughter was about two years old when she came to me to get her wedding dress fixed. It was a rush wedding to be held at the civil registrar's office. She met this man whose visa to stay in Australia was running out. Her family sort of disowned her for rushing into this second marriage. I remember having a good cry with her at some point. But she must follow her heart. She had her second daughter when she came to ask me to make her older daughter's communion dress. The second child was almost four , has a dark complexion, with thick black wavy hair and very attractive. As beautiful as her older sister who has fair complexion, with thick blonde wavy hair. It's really quite amazing seeing the three of them together. Both girls have her beautiful smile, her eyes and the shape of her face...

"You are so blessed, having these two beautiful girls", I told her...

"Yeah, I am very happy that I have them, it's just that people keep making comparison between the two....the younger one is starting to feel conscious of her dark skin and started saying that she wish she had white skin like her sister...and now, we are raising her be a Muslim and the sister remains a Catholic...I am torn....it's really hard", she was obviously hurting..

I told her that it is not what others say outside her home that are important, but it is what's happening inside her home that she must concentrate on..

Anyway, while doing my gardening, I can't help but think of them and how they are coping with all the issues. They arrived on time, I asked to be excused for not dressed neatly as I was doing my gardening. I was introduced to the husband. The girls are so grown now and looking even more beautiful. The husband is a tall and well dressed man and really quite handsome and impressive in appearance. But, Cecilia looked unsure of herself, not the same person I met the first time. Well, that's the impression I got anyway.

I invited them in and asked the husband to put on the trousers that needed to be hemmed.

I went on my knees to put his hem up and talking at the same time with the girls asking them about school and if they made many friends at school, where they go to on school excursions and so on. I quite enjoyed the girls company. They were very spontaneous. We talked a lot about anything in just a few minutes..

While he was in the little fitting room changing, I showed the girls the jewelries I made. They asked all sorts of questions which I gladly answered...

"I want to be a designer like you when I grow up ", the little one said...."I want to work here with you"......

"That would be great sweetie!", I told her..."but I hope I'd still be alive when you grow up", I said laughing..When he finished changing, he handed me the trousers and asked how much would it cost him..I told him it's $18 per pants so $36 in all...

"You are joking!", he said with a laugh..."that is too much!...now come on, how much is it really?"........

"I am not joking, I usually charge $20 but because you have two pairs, I took away $2.....and that is it really", I told him......

"I will give $30 and that is final, because the lady that does it for me only charge $10....so I'll give you $30, okay? that's it! ".....

"Why did you come to me when you know someone who can do it for you for almost nothing?....please go to her...or take them somewhere else....I can't believe you devalue me, but I am not even gonna be offended by the way how you decide the value of my work...I understand because where you and I came from, and other poor countries like the Philippines and Pakistan",........

" NO!..Pakistan is not poor!!...we have Filipinos working for us as maids, labourers and all the hard work".

"I beg your pardon, so you made up your mind, that because I am a Filipino, I only worth less, and you decide how much to pay me...and that I must accept a slave labour pay....I want you to know that what you said is very offensive, but I choose not to be offended.....you have cut me off before I even finish what I was going to say.....I was saying that Pakistanis like the Filipinos and other countries poorer than Australia, convert the dollars into their own currency, so in their minds, it sounds so expensive....and how dare you looking down on me devalue the service I offer.... for me being a Filipino just because in your country, your maids and labourers are Filipinos...but even that, I choose not to be offended, I made time for you this morning, not because I am desperate to earn $36 hemming up your pants, but because I value everyone and this is a favor I am giving you", this time, I was starting to get really annoyed but tried to keep my temper under control.....

"NO, NO!!, it is a favor to you, so you can earn money, just take $30 because I will bring more work for you",.....

"Please, you must understand, that I don't need your money, I don't need to work today, I was going to spend time in my garden the whole weekend...I don't need to accept small jobs, I specialize in formals and bridals, I am doing this as a favor to your wife.....and I don't mind if you don't bring me any work....please go to the plaza where there is alterations...you choose what you wanna do"....

" Okay, charge me what you want,...when can I pick them up?.... I need it for job interview on Monday at 2 o'clock", he sounded very demanding....

At this point, I no longer feel good about the whole thing and wished I hadn't met this man. I glanced at Cecilia who was smiling nervously and I looked at the girls who all the while are trying to get my attention asking if I have more jewelries to show them....and the eldest one is asking me if I can make her confirmation dress next year and that she wants a pair of gloves and a bag to go with it. I just looked at them and nod...and glad that they seemed to not understood what went on between me and their father. I turned to him and said that "I hope you try to learn that when we come into a new country, new culture, that we must learn and appreciate the things that are different from the culture we grew up in and what made us decide to come and live here and that it is important to conform to the values that made this country what it is....with equal opportunity for everyone....our mindset need to change",

He looked around my little studio quitely..
"Well, as you can see, I am proper and legitimate business with registered business name and trade mark, I pay tax on every dollar I earn and everything is by the book....this is not just one of those backyard cash in hand business..how I stood up for myself is not about the money but the principle...and no matter how big or small amount I get from a job, I always put my heart into it and even if it's only alterations, my work is of high quality".....

" I can see that..it's good....can I have a business card?....but as for the quality of your work, we shall see when I pick them up on Monday....

I held my tongue, but I thought to myself, how sad that he can't see how low his attitude makes of him....can't help insulting me by the last comment he made. But I don't want this man to ever forget me and for him to learn from this experience. I handed him a business card, and shook his hand, said goodbye to the girls and to Cecilia who took my hand and just smiled nervously. I went to find Greg in the work shed and told him about my conversation with this man...

"I would not have accepted the job if I were you. You should have told him to take it somewhere else...the trouble with you is that you are too soft"...

"No darling, I believe that whenever there is any opportunity to show others how to treat everyone equal, we must grab the opportunity.....there is deeper reason why they came instead of going somewhere else even tho I told them to go somewhere else.....at least now, his perception of Filipinos will change I hope, but if it doesn't, it's not my problem.....I will fix these pants and ring them up to pick up tomorrow instead of Monday"...

So I called and left a message on their answering service...Sunday morning, the man called around ten o'clock asking if he can pick up the pants "right now!"

"No, please come between 2 and 3 this afternoon"... I could hear how annoyed he was...maybe for not getting his own way....but after a few sighs and heavy breathing from him, because of being obviously annoyed... but finally agreed... he arrived at 2:30, I was out there vacuum cleaning the car and getting ready to do some grocery shopping with Greg. I let him in and hand them the pants.. He was pleased and handed me a credit card...

"I''m sorry but I only take cash or bank cheque, no bankcard, no credit card and no personal cheque...this is a very small business for me to facilitate eftpos or credit card payment"...

"Oh no!, I don't have cash!, I should have asked you first before I came....can I take them home and ask Cecilia to drop the money off to you?"...

"No, there is an ATM across the road. It'll take you only 2 minutes, you can get some cash and come back before we go",

"Can I leave you one of my credit cards instead?"...there's $20,000 credit limit on this one".....

"NO! ", I said making sure he knows that I am getting very annoyed.

"Okay! okay, I'll be back in a few minutes ", he picked up the pants and was heading to the door....

"Please, you leave those trousers here ", I told him...and the look on his face was indescribable.....

Greg came out to my studio and told me he heard everything. So he sat there and waited for me to finish with this man. I went back outside and continue my vacuum cleaning the car. After a few minutes, he came back with forty dollars..... " how did you go?" I asked as we walked back inside my studio and Greg was sitting there....

" NOT GOOD!"...he said angrily....." there is no trust here, the customer service is poor, I came here because you were referred to me, but i am being treated like this"... then he mumbled something.....

Greg got up and said to him ,"What did you just say?", Greg was angry..

"You heard me!", he turned to Greg angrily

"Can you repeat what you said ", Greg trying to keep calm ...

"Respect yourself!...I am talking to her!".....he yelled at Greg while pointing his finger at me.....
At this time, feeling like a dummy for not hearing what this man called me, I turned to Greg and asked " what did he say?"

'He's just insulted you putting you down...but don't worry about it!!!", Greg was pointing the door to the man to get out..

"I have never dealt with someone so openly disrespectful like you ", I told him....

"This is a public property and you can't treat me like that...your service is not good!!!...", he was gonna keep arguing ......

"Excuse me!...this is a private property!...THAT's IT!....GET OUT!!", Greg stood up pointing him towards the door......

So he went and we went in our car to go shopping. We were not our usual happy selves. I am glad Greg was here when that very rude Pakistani man picked up his pants. I asked him again what the man said to make him very angry, he turned red in the face and told me " DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!..FORGET IT!!".... I did not insist although I really wanted to know.. I've never seen Greg so angry like that. But I respect him even more for not repeating what the man said, whatever it is....

So much for my beautiful weekend.. My stomach was hurting all night I felt wanting to throw up.......analyzing what happened and whether I handled things right. I kept going over and over it in my mind. This morning, I decided to write it down to get it out of my mind.....and finally feeling at peace that I know I did the right thing in not letting him get away with his discriminating attitude. I realized that he's angry not only because he did not get his way, but because a Filipino whom he perceived lower than the Pakistani stood up against him.. Not only that, he can't accept the fact that aside from me being a Filipino, I AM A WOMAN ALSO also. I am very aware that even in these days and age, in some cultures and even in some parts of the Philippines, some, still live as though they are in the dark ages. Men still see women as subordinate, second class and should be under the power of men...and always be in subjection to men...... WELL, NOT THIS WOMAN!...

In the middle of writing this entry, my phone rang. It was Cecilia to apologise. She told me that they are no longer married . They divorced a year ago. She can no longer take the abuse and the arguments about religion.. She's very sorry that she brought him over and she hoped that she and the girls are still welcome to come and see me if they need something made. She told me how embarrassed she was last Saturday and the girls were very upset when they left because they understood everything. She told me how embarrassed she was when he told him what happened when he picked up his pants. I assured her that I remain the same to her and her girls. I thanked her for letting me know.....

$36 wasn't worth the upset this brought to a few of us this weekend. But one thing for sure, every time he puts on those trousers , he'll remember the weekend he showed how cheap and how small he values himself. I am glad that it did not cost me hundreds of dollars to stand up to this man who I hope will change his way of thinking about the Filipinos who work in his country and not only for this man and the ones like him to learn how to treat others their equal as human beings.. It doesn't matter what nationality they are...
"WHEN WE PRAY FOR PATIENCE, GOD DOES NOT MAKE US FEEL PATIENT, HE GIVES US OPPORTUNITIES TO EXERCISE PATIENCE"
I definitely got it this weekend. The opportunity to exercise patience and hopefully, I was able to show that man how to treat others that are different from him, his equal, other wise he will suffer for it. "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU"..

As for Cecilia ( not her real name), I hope she'll be strong enough for her girls....

**I AM NOT DEFINED BY THE COUNTRY WHERE I CAME FROM * I AM NOT BOUND BY THE CULTURE AND THE COLOR OF MY SKIN NOR BY THE DYSFUNCTIONS OF MY UPBRINGING * I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS, CONNECTING WITH THE WHOLENESS OF HUMANITY AND HUMAN SPIRIT * JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, I AM A UNIQUE HUMAN BEING WITH MY OWN VERY UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL LIFE'S MEANING ;) **hv**